It was very cold that time. Maybe a few degrees above zero but it feels like some shit under that. I was about to turn into the corner when something stopped me. Across the road beside the glowing Christmas tree was her, the girl I’ve been waiting for all fall. I waved at her and she smiled. I placed my hands inside my pocket to prevent them from freezing and when I looked up she was already there, in front of me, staring at me like I’m some art that’s needed to be adored. I placed both of my hands on her face and kissed her forehead.
“How are you my love?” I whispered to her ears.
“Lovely. I feel amazing now that you’re here.” She grabbed my hand and kissed me full on the lips, smiling in between. We enjoyed the quiet streets, peeking through every single window. It felt like a ghost town, everything was so peaceful except for the Christmas songs playing nearby.
“So what do you wanna do tonight? I bet you’ve missed me so much huh?” I grinned a little. “It felt like eternity. So how was Europe?”
“It was beautiful but it felt incomplete though because you weren’t with me.” I saw her look down.
“Why? Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, Everything’s perfect. I just missed you that’s all.” Next thing I knew we were already in front of my house. Potchi, my dog, greeted her. She bent down and gave her long kiss on the nose followed by asking her how she was. Potchi barked and barked that made the lights inside the house turn on. I guess my mom woke up.
“Claire! You’re here! How was your flight? We thought you weren’t coming back until after New Year’s day.” MY Mom hugged her tight, I thought she wasn’t gonna let her go. We walked inside, Mom made us some hot choco, greeted us a good night and went back to bed. We turned on the tv in the living room, flipped through channels but there isn’t really anything to watch.
“Logan, I’m already tired. Can we rest?” I was longing for that feeling again. Sleeping beside her but this time I just can’t. I might be tempted or something, I can’t deal with that. I just need to focus on her, missing her and now actually being with her.
“Come on, Let’s go upstairs.”
“To your room? Sleep together? Wake up beside each other? Ugh, I’ve been longing for that!” I laughed, I never thought that she would actually feel the same.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I’m just happy.” I smiled and kissed her. “Come on, Let’s go!” It felt like we were a married couple off to an adventure.
She already noticed the change in the interior of my room. The different places of the furniture, the new wallpaper, the glow in the dark stars glued to the ceiling and to the finest detail of my new bed sheet.
“When did you start liking the outer space?”
“Just recently. We had this amazing seminar about astronauts. We went to different museums. We even went to the observatory to watch the different constellations. Did you know that the sun is the closest star to earth?” I couldn’t stop blabbering about all the things I did last fall. I thought I would bore her but she insisted on letting me continue my adventures. I’m already at the part where I went on a road trip with my cousins but I heard her heavy breathing. I looked at her and she was already asleep. She looked like an angel. It’s obvious that she hasn’t been sleeping for days. Dark circles were beginning to form under her eyes. I stared at her for like an hour, looking for changes but really there’s none. She’s still the girl I fell in love with during Senior year.
Mr. Pwet
It was the 7th day of Simbang Gabi earlier. And I was happy that Monsignor Guian was the one who will celebrate the mass. He gives good homily and that you could learn a lot from it. Here’s one that he gave earlier and that I could never forget.
Nagkaroon ng summit ang mga parte ng katawan. Sina Mr. Utak, Mr. Puso, Mr. Bituka, Mr. Pwet at iba pa. Nagpulong sila dahil kailangan nila ng mamumuno sa katawan. Agad namang nagpresenta si Mr. Pwet. Ngunit hinarangan siya ni Mr. Utak. “Mr. Pwet, Ano namang magagawa mo? Wag ka ng umasa.” Nalungkot si Mr. Pwet. Nagpasya siyang tumiklop at magsara ng matagal. Masaya at maayos namang namuno si Mr. Utak kasama ni Mr. Puso. Ng nagtagal. Sumakit na ang ulo ni Mr. Utak, Nagkaron rin ng sakit si Mr. Puso at si Mr. Bituka. Nang hinanap na nila kung bakit nagkakaganito, yun pala kasi, si Mr. Pwet hanggang ngayon ay nakasara parin. “Mr Pwet, magbukas ka na oh. Sige na.” Ang sabi ni Mr. Utak. “Hinde. Hinde ako magbubukas. Sabi niyo wala akong magagawa.” Ang sagot ni Mr. Pwet. “Sige na naman Mr. Pwet. Pasensya ka na. Magbukas ko na oh. Patawad na.” Ngunit umaayaw pa rin si Mr. Pwet. “Alam namin ngayon na mahalaga ka rin pala samin. Kaya tanggapin mo na ang pagpapakumbaba namin. Pasensya na Mr. Pwet.” Gumaan naman ang puso ni Mr. Pwet at siya’y nag bukas na. Blok blok blok. At dumaloy na ang kaginhawaan sa buong katawan. Umayos na ulit ang pakiramdam ng lahat. Bumalik na sa normal si Mr. Utak at Mr. Puso. At maayos na rin ang pagsasama ng lahat.
Lagi nating tandaan na lahat ng tao ay may kanya kanyang importansya sa buhay. Wag nating maliitin ang ating sarili o ang ating kapwa.
One thing I learned? Never let anyone get in the way of your happiness. Don’t let anyone ruin what may have been the perfect day for you. Do the same to others too. Instead of making them feel bad, make them feel good. Every person has their own way of making the world a better place but how would you see it if you refuse to acknowledge the fact that they’re making the world better? Do not depend your happiness in others. Know that each and every one of us has a specific role in life. Do what makes you feel good. And never ever let anyone ruin your good mood.
Letter #3
Dear Future Mate,
Some say that others are living the life that they had planned while some does not even know what their plans are. But how do you even plan life? What we do is a part of our life. The decisions we make, the choices we pick and the mistakes that made us realize what we are, those are just a few of life’s obstacles. Those are what makes our life worth living.
When the time comes that I would finally meet you, I just want you to know that you should not be afraid to make mistakes. I don’t need a perfect man. I just want someone who would love me for who I am. Who would be there for me. Who would be ready to lend his shoulder when I need to cry. Who would listen to all my rants. Who would tell me that everything is okay when clearly, it is not. Someone who I would wake up to beside me, whisper “I love you” and that he loves me more today than he does yesterday.
And when the time comes that it would be you, I want you to know that I would always love you. I will always be by your side. You can count on me through anything. No matter how difficult life may be, We would face them together. Your problems are mine as well. And that I would never leave your side.
Love,
Your always and forever.
Forever and ever, Babe.
These past few days have been so.. random. Once in a while I would get a text from the ex. He would tell me random stuff. And then we would get to the point where we would talk about the past. I don’t quite understand why where in the peak of your happiness someone would really try to ruin it. Is it like that for all of us?
Me: Ano to bitter mode?
Him: No. We’re just talking.
Me: And it’s about the past.
Him: It’s worth reminiscing kaya!
Me: No kaya.
Him: Di ka naging masaya sakin?
Me: I didn’t say that.
Him: Eh what are you saying?
Me: Don’t make me miss you.
Him: AYUN LANG.
Me: Gago ka.
Him: Uy nagago pa ko oh.
Me: Pinlano mo to eh. Tumigil ka na diyan. Mabasa pa to ng girlfriend mo. Tas pagselosan pa ko nun.
Him: Di siya katulad mo. Di siya selosa. Hehe
Me: AYPUTA. So, ano pinapalabas mo?
Him: Miss na kita. Kasi atleast alam kong ikaw ayaw mong mawala ako, ayaw mong makuha ako ng iba. Mas gusto ko na ung may nagseselos para feel ko talagang mahal ako. Kesa sa hinde.
Me: Eh yun lang. Bahala ka na diyan. =))
It was very awkward after that. We used to talk for hours everyday. Now, only if one of us bugs the other and that’s rarely. Like once every month rare or sometimes every 2 months. We’re friends, yes, but it’s super awkward whenever our friends hangout and both of us are there. We may smile, nod and laugh at each other’s stories but deep inside we can never get rid of the feeling that we are each other’s first love. We’re both kids but we knew so well about each other. The other night, I randomly texted him Goodnight because I wasn’t able to reply to his text and I don’t want to be rude.
Me: Gusto kong mag sorry.
Him: Para saan?
Me: I’m sorry. I was such a coward back then.
Him: Ahh. Kasi sinaktan mo ko? Okay lang.
Me:
Him: I know I’ve loved you. You’re the very first one to hold my heart. You may not be the last but you were the sweetest. YET.
Me: SHET Alam mo kikiligin na sana ako eh, bakit may yet? Lechugas =))
Him: Eh life goes on. Kiligin ka na kasi ikaw ung ___ ko. Makuntento ka girl!
Me: Gago ka foreverrrrrr! =)) Matulog ka na.
Him: Sabay tayo? Ano katulad ng dati? Tatawagan kita tas kakantahan kita ng Passenger Seat tapos kkwentuhan kita ng Steven Curve mo tas matutulugan mo ko, laging ganun diba?
Me: Anobaaaaaa. Gusto ko ung Fall for you, tas masisintunado ka. Benta forevs yun. =))
Him: Ano game?
Me: Game?
Him: Tulog na nga lang tayo! Goodnight Babe! Kiss and Hug ____ for me! :*
Me: HOY ULOL BABE MO MUKHA MO. Goodnight! I will hug our baby for you. Hoy mag 5 years old na yun ah! =)))
Yes, I admit. I get kilig whenever he would mention our baby, the stuffed toy he gave me on Valentine’s day. It would make me tear up whenever I would read this 10 page handwritten letter he gave me for my birthday. No one but me knows that. Well, now all of you who are reading this knows. The stuff inside that letter is what every girl could ask for. Assurance. Assurance of someone’s love for you. Guess I was so stupid of letting him go. But never the less he was the one who would always tell me that when I lose something, it has its way of coming back. “If it’s really meant for you. It will come to you.”
A heartwarming post
A few days ago my bestfriend linked me this essay entitled “Date a girl who reads.” and while I was reading it, I can’t help but smile. I was nodding every time I read something that applies to me. And when the last part came to me, the words “Or better yet, date a girl who writes.” melted my heart. So if you would want to know why I was overwhelmed while reading it, read it too!
DATE A GIRL WHO READS
by Rosemarie UrquicoDate a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes.
I was very kilig. I don’t even know why. After I read it, he sent me another link. This time it was the opposite version. “Date a guy who reads.” Though people have different versions of it, all have the same meaning. And it made me thought of writing one too, since I love guys who read and adore books like his happiness depends on it. I’ll post the version that I’ve made this weekend. I hope all you girls, who loves to read, appreciate this post! 
Accepting yourself.
Society. You know what I think? Society sucks. Society is what makes people ugly, what makes people feel like shit. You know what’s ironic? we belong in this society. All of us. A society which dictates what is wrong or right. If you dress up neat or dirty, if the decision you’re making is good or bad, even to the slightest idea of who you’re going to be inlove with. Fuck society. You know what most people doesn’t understand is that this society is going to get better if the people that composes it gets happy. The type of happiness that makes people not care about what negative shit it will bring. Just go with it, go with what every positive thing it lets you feel.
You know what, let’s talk about you. How would society accept you if you can’t even accept yourself? You would want others to tell you that you’re beautiful but you yourself couldn’t believe that. You keep on not eating because you want to lose some pounds, if you know that you are healthy the way you are and you are happy, why do that? So that people would take a good look at you and tell you that you’re attractive? Honey, you are. You are beautiful. You are perfect the way you are. Do what makes you happy and you will truly feel perfect. Ditch those people who tell you bad stuff just so they can feel good about themselves. They’re not worth it. If these people you call friends boss you around and tell you things that really hurt you but you yourself know isn’t true, then why believe them right? Before expecting others to say goodstuff about you, you must accept yourself first. You must appreciate yourself. You must respect yourself. And by doing those, I’m pretty sure you’d gain confidence. A confidence you might use to show the society that they’re the ones who’s ugly and not you.
Top 10 things I do to make myself happy
- Surround myself with people I love
- Chocolates! Eat them of course.
- Good music.
- Dancing like there’s no tomorrow.
- Tumblr!
- Talking with people who makes you happy.
- Watch cooking shows. (AHAHAHAHA)
- Play my favorite games.
- Go outside and look at the stars
- And the most important of all, smile. Smile like you don’t have any problems.
Pagibig nga naman oh.
Bakit nga ba nagpapakatanga ang isang tao sa pagibig?
Para sakin walang taong tanga. Nagkataon lang na sobra mong minahal yung tao na halos lahat ng bagay gagawin mo. Mamahalin mo siya kahit ano pa siya. Sabi nila bulag ang pagibig. Hindi rin. Ang pag ibig nakakakita pero wala siyang pake sa kanyang nakikita dahil kung mahal niya talaga yung tao, kahit ano pa siya, tatanggapin at tatanggapin niya. Minsan nga lang may mga taong sobra. Sobra magmahal, sobra magmalasakit, sobra magalala, sobra sa lahat. Yung tipong kaya sa huli siya rin yung sobrang nasaktan, sobrang umiyak, at sobrang di maka get over. Eh wala naman kasing past tense ang love. Tinuruan tayong magmahal pero di tayo tinuruan kung pano tumigil. Bakit? Kasi ang isang tao kapag minahal mo tapos sinaktan ka, walang paki ang puso. Basta minsan mo ng nabigyan ng pagmamahal, habang buhay na yang magkakaroon ng pwesto sa puso mo. Kahit ba kasing liit lang ng langgam, pwesto parin yun sa puso mo.
Walang taong may matigas na puso. Lumalambot ito kapag may nakilala na siyang tao na para sakanya. Osige sabihin nating may mga taong manhid. Ung tipong nasa harap na nila, sinusubo na, di parin makita. Siguro kasi ung mga bagay na katulad ng pagibig, para sa mga taong katulad nila, para maramdaman nila kailangan may magpakita. Eh yun na nga may nagpapakita di naman nila nararamdaman. Alam mo kung bakit? Kasi ayaw nila. Oo masakit para dun sa taong nagpaparamdam pero ganun talaga eh. Meron namang mga manhid na pinag tiyagaan talaga siya ng sobra nung taong yun at sa tamang panahon naramdaman niya. Hindi dahil sa awa kaya niya naramdaman, kundi dahil nakita niya kung gano talaga siya kamahal nung tao. Na nagpakita talaga siya ng pagmamalasakit, ng pakialam. At unti unti sa nakikita niyang yun pati siya naapektuhan. Nagkakaroon na siya ng pakiramdam at the same time nagkakaroon na siya ng feelings para sa tao.
Isang bagay na natutunan ko sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin ay ung bagay na pagdating sa pagibig walang naghahabol. Kung sa tingin mo ikaw na lang lagi ung gumagawa ng effort, nagpaparamdam, nagpapakita ng malasakit, nagpapagod.. Diba iniisip natin ang tanga tanga natin? Hinde. Para kasi sakin ung feeling na napapakita ko sa tao na yun kung gano ko siya kamahal, okay na yun eh. Para ba atleast magkaroon siya ng idea kung ano ung nararamdaman ko. Mas mabuti ng napakita kesa tinago diba? Ayoko nung nagsisisi ka sa bagay na di mo pinagisipan muna o sa bagay na di mo ginawa kasi naduduwag ka. Ung ibang tao kasi kaya naiisip nila na parang naghahabol sila ay ung bagay na lagi silang nauuna sa lahat. Nauunang gumalaw. Kunwari gustong gusto mo siyang makausap kaya syempre ikaw mauuna magtext o kaya magchat ung ganun. Tas syempre maguusap kayo. Pero sa paguusap na yun kailangan ikaw ung gagawa ng paraan para magtuloy tuloy ung paguusap. Oo masakit, nakakainis pero hindi eh. Mas gusto mo bang siya dapat mauna kahit alam mong walang pagasa o ung ikaw ang mauuna pero sure na sure kang matagal kayo magkakausap? Syempre dun ka na sa ikaw gagalaw kesa maghihintay ka ng maghihintay diba.
Ang dami dami kong sinasabi isa lang naman talaga ang gusto kong iparating. Walang tanga o naghahabol sa pagibig. Nagkataon lang na gustong gusto mo ung tao kaya sobrang tiyaga mong ipakita sakanila kung gano mo sila kamahal. Masa mabuti ng naipakita kesa tinago. Malay mo may gusto din pala sayo nahihiya lang. Communication. Yun ang pinaka mainam na solusyon sa mga nararamdaman mo. Para malaman mo ang sagot kausapin mo. Hindi ung habang buhay mo na lang iisipin kung ano sana ung pwedeng nangyari.
This time only.
“Happy Endings aren’t real. They’re just something fairy tales wants us to look forward to. You will never be truly happy. Somewhere out there, something or someone will burst your bubble of happiness. You will never feel happy forever. That’s just the sad reality. Fuck it.”
I don’t know if I would believe it or what. Since I was a little girl, I’ve always believed that there are happy endings. Or just the fact that someday you can be truly happy. Whether it will be because of something you’ve achieved, someone you love, somewhere nice, or just the mere thought of being problem free. But why did I ask this? Lately, I haven’t been feeling happy. True, I look happy and jolly on the outside but some part of me always do that stare into space, don’t fucking care about the world and just replay all the bad things. I’ve always wanted to cry whenever that moment happen but I can’t. People will see, people will get curious. And sometimes, when people ask, Others care but most of them are just curious. So what do I do? I shake my head and instantly smile. Though I surround myself with happy people, reality has this way of making my dreamland fucking lonely.
I don’t think good karma applies to me. I do a lot of good things, I don’t expect nothing in return but am I really the unluckiest person in the world to not feel a little.. understood? I am not paranoid, I don’t care what people think, I don’t hurt people and I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE AROUND ME TO BE LONELY. That’s why I make sure that they’re happy all the time. I’m happy if they are. But these days.. I don’t know if I’m telling myself the truth. Am I truly happy? I don’t think so.
I do hope 11:11 and the stars grant me happiness cause that’s what I wish for everytime. Not a happy ending, not a someone, no nothing… I just wanna be happy.
Letter # 2
Dear Future Mate,
If ever we will meet right now at this moment, I want you to know that I’m not perfect. I make mistakes and that no matter how hard I try to look at things positively I always end up giving them a negative perspective. I am stubborn. No matter how hard you try to please me you have to do it more than a hundred times just for me to get it. I am serious about this. I am also always jealous. Whether jealous about a girl, a friend of yours, a thing, a hobby, a family, a show you love, a game you always place or whatever it is that you put your attention to, I always will be jealous. I want things to go my way. I want things to be under my control. And though I am not perfect, I want everything and everyone around me to be just because I want to and that mistakes is never on my list. But out of all the bad things that I am, I want to tell you that I have a good heart on people who makes me laugh. I make the biggest effort. I love going on an adventure. I like seeing the world. And I am very random. When something pops in my head, I would want to do it now because I might forget it later. Last thing on my mind right now, I hope you aren’t diabetic because I am too sweet. Sweeter than chocolate, sugar and honey combined. And lastly, I would always love you and learn to accept your every imperfection because I know that those are what truly make me love you.
Love,
Your always and forever.
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